Apparently Monday is turning into Fashion Day at the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. Last week I took some time to show you to the latest in Crack making attire and introduce a friend’s blog (check out Sammi’s most recent post here). Moreover, on Mondays I usually just make a reference to my posting over on Bitter Lawyer (which you can and should read here). Then I saw the story of Elias A. Diaz, who is suing the New York Corrections Department for 1 Million dollars. Diaz’s complaint: he has been forced to wear the same sweatpants and T-shirt for eight months because Diaz tips the scales of justice at 400 pounds.
According to Diaz’s complaint, he has been humiliated by improper jailhouse attire because officials didn’t “stock any clothing beyond the size of 6XL.” Diaz wears at least a size 7XL. Apparently Diaz believes he deserves a seven figure payout for each X he needs in his clothing. It should be noted that his clothing does get regularly washed and has a spare set of shorts and a T-shirt. Nonetheless, Diaz claims he will need “expensive” therapy to cope since he “wake[s] up still thinking [he is] in jail and washing and washing and never feeling like [he] can wash enough.”
I hate to break it to Mr. Diaz but I don’t think the outfit had much to do with his inability to get clean. I’m going to go with arm length as the main problem. Simply not a chance he can fully cover all 400 lbs he is trying to lather up with those arms. You get to rock sweats all day when everyone else has a jumpsuit and this is a problem? The only thing more comfortable than sweats is the Forever Lazy. Just because you look like Violet Beauregarde after she turned into a blueberry doesn’t mean you get a milli. As Don King said, “Only in America.”
P.S. At least Diaz didn’t have to try and squeeze into the Thom Browne 2013 Collection at the Paris Fashion Week. These outfits are a lawsuit waiting to happen. Nothing ever good comes of spikes on your shoulders unless you are a part of The Legion of Doom.
P.P.S. If you took the spikes off that blue jacket it would be straight fire.