As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, there have been some changes going on at the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. First, I gained admission to the Southern Ohio Federal District Court. This allows me to help more clients in issues that must take place in Federal Court. Then, I introduced my small and medium business Flat Fee Retainer Plan. This plan continues to develop and assist business clients with effective and efficient legal advice.
Today the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan is excited to make another announcement. I have been asked to write a weekly blog posting for Bitter Lawyer. The posts will be very similar to the style and format of what I often write on this blog but I will be on a website that has a much larger following. If you haven’t been to Bitter Lawyer I would highly suggest you should check it out. They have a great group of contributors that produce some extremely funny legal humor. They have won numerous awards for their work including being named a part of the ABA Journal Blawg 100 and winning the 2010 Webby (yea that is really what it is called) for best legal website. Needless to say, it is a great opportunity and I am excited to reach a larger audience (not that I don’t love and appreciate all my readers). Also, don’t worry because I will still be posting on my website so keep on reading and inviting your friends to read my stuff I truly appreciate all of you. Now, onto making legal points through the actions of stupid people.
Sometimes you just have to cut your losses. This is a lesson that Jerry Streng wishes he would have learned a day before he paid two women $400 “for the purpose of ‘Smoking Smoke’ and engaging in sexual intercourse.” While I am not sure what exactly occurs when Smoking Smoke I do know that it is illegal to pay for sexual intercourse. While this is dumb and illegal what happens next is even more dumb and illegal.
According to Streng, the prostitutes smoked his Smoke (still don’t know what it is) then “engaged in sexual activity with each other” while he was “put… on the end, and not in the middle like they agreed to.” While Streng was hoping to be the meat of the sandwich (a Manwich, if you will) he ended up being a slice of bread. And not even good bread. Like the heel of the bread, and nobody likes the heel of the bread. Streng’s participation was limited to heavy petting. Feeling cheated, he did the only (somewhat) smart thing and called the cops to report a robbery. (As explained by Lowering the Bar, robbery is not actually true. Rather Streng “paid the women for sex, but then did not get to participate. He called this ‘robbery,’ but at worst it was theft by deception, and really seems to have been more of a breach-of-contract claim.”) Nonetheless, calling 911 was ill-advised. First, the ‘crime’ reported probably wasn’t an emergency; second, it might not have even been a crime; but mainly, reporting the ‘crime’ included an admission of guilt to a crime. As stated earlier, Jerry Streng should have just cut his losses and enjoyed getting to second base. But then things get even weirder.
After being arrested, booked and released for the charge of Patronization of Prostitution, it gets really confusing. You can read the affidavits here but this is the general idea (as figured out by Lowering the Bar):
The man hired two women for a threesome; called 911 to report he didn’t get what he had (illegally) paid for; was arrested, booked, and released; then called one of the women he said had just cheated him, apparently intending to call 911 so police could “catch her in the act,” but implicating himself in that act in the course of doing so; she also confessed on the spot, and later (maybe in retaliation?) called 911 to report her friend for theft, thus further confirming her guilt for that prior offense.
Wait, what? Jerry, my internet friend, cut your losses. Don’t try to set up a sting operation without the help of police only to be arrested again for the same offense (and this time you didn’t even get to try and stop short or anything). Moreover, Ms. Prostitute, probably not the best idea to immediately tell the police you are back at the guys house for the purpose of engaging in an illegal activity nor is it smart to file a police report confirming that you previously engaged in an illegal activity and have since been robbed of your money you earned from said illegal activity. As for the third leg in this love triangle who was actually smart enough to keep her mouth shut… she was arrested based on the testimony of the other two.
Something tells me this could be the plotline for Dumb and Dumber 3(some). Nonetheless, if you think you might have done something illegal, talk to a lawyer first. Most lawyers are creative enough to come up with a plausible defense. It doesn’t always work but it might. If it was me, I would argue that paying $500 for this:
Was punishment enough. Case closed.