Sorry for the late blog this week. Always feel free to get your fix over at Bitter Lawyer (read Monday’s post here). I have been trying to figure out how to retire like Scrooge McDuck. Scientist have calculated that in order to do the Scrooge McDuck’s money swim you need approximately $31.2 billion dollars. This would mean only six people in the world can currently pull this off. Like I was always taught, the most important thing to do was set goals for myself. $31.2 billion. Perfect. Time to get to work.
Gifts are always difficult. What to get the man who has everything? Take Jorge Victorino-Vazquez of Las Vegas. Jorge had a birthday coming up and wanted to spoil himself for having a good year. His decision: hire a hitman to kill his wife. Apparently it’s his birthday; she can die if he want to. Jorge was willing to pay $2,000 dollars to have the deed done. Unfortunately for him, Jorge was paying an undercover officer and was subsequently arrested with solicitation to commit murder, conspiracy to commit murder and burglary.
I don’t think I need to give any lawyerly tip as to how dumb it is to hire a hitman. Obviously don’t do it. Having said that, there is nothing worse than getting a bad present. Ruins your entire birthday. Open up the box only to have sheer disappointment. Then you have to put on some sort of Academy Award winning performance talking about how much you love it and how you have always wanted one.
Perhaps Jorge should have went hunting with Steven Egan. The 52-year-old Floridian (surprise) was hunting wild hog when he mistakenly shot his girlfriend thinking she was his target. Egan was hunting from a tent when he thought he heard a similar noise to that of his prey so he took a shot at it. Unfortunately the bullet hit his girlfriend/hunting partner Lisa Simmons. Awkward turtle. How can you stay together after this? Have you ever seen a wild hog? It looks like this:
Yea no coming back from that. Absolutely no chance you can ever answer “Honey do I look fat in this?” with a correct answer. Not to mention all your friends who haven’t met her yet. “Can’t come out tonight… got to hang with Lisa after I mistook her for a wild hog and shot her with a rifle.” Good luck with that one Steven maybe just stick with Big Buck Hunter next time.
An Idaho man has been charged with assault after he ordered a man to perform the “moonwalk” at gunpoint. Probably one of my top 5 favorite stories I have ever blogged about. Pretty much a walk-off. 30-year-old John Ernest Cross wants to see some MJ like its 1983 and pulls a shotgun out to show he isn’t messing around. Puts a whole new meaning on those Western films where they guy would shoot at a person’s feet and make them “dance.” Now tell me ‘Who’s bad.”